He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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