Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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