I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
