she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
