He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
