if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
