was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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