My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
