whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
