dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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