i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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