I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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