i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
