well I can't set my house on fire every night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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