If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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