remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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