God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
it's like heaven, but drunker
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
