Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
