I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im holly from the hills drunk
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
