So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
