I want to make a zoo with you.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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