so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it was like having sex with a tree stump
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
