I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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