Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sex in the backyard? Check.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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