i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
