I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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