Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
