It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
