she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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