It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
