and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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