she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
