Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
