I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize
