my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
