NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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