he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
