i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Barsexuality is the new black.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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