nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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