she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I want her autograph on my taint
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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