I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
