Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
