I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
