He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
