Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
ttyl tear gas
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
