Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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