come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
