next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
