That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
