Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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