Farmville is her only friend.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
