get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
