I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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